Why you don’t support other women & 5 Ways To Stop Being a Bitch!

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I had a taste for a caramel mocha coffee from Starbucks a couple of weeks ago. 

I had a gift card and figured it was about time I used it.  The line was long and everybody seemed to have the same idea.  A guy was at the only register open, ordering a Grande coffee with the longest name I have ever heard.  There was only one other person behind the counter and he was making the drinks.

I was fourth behind the gentleman at the register, while three ladies stood in front of me.  I watched as this fabulously dressed young woman directly behind the “Grande dude” was shunned and basically mean mugged by two ladies behind her.  The great dresser seemed to ignore the obvious whispering and “umphing” behind her and patiently waited her turn.

blackgossipI watched in amazement as these catty, immature women sized up another woman and basically debated as to whether her outfit was from Kmart or not.

Another barista came on duty and opened up another line.  I moved toward the register, but had to stop and give the “great dresser” her props.

Me: Excuse me.

Great Dresser: Yes

Me: Honey, you are working that outfit.  I love that look, great style.

Great Dresser: Thank you!

I nodded my head her way and stepped up to make my order.


MeanGirlsAfter my purchase I sat and watched as the two catty women ogled the “dresser” as she left with their lips curled. 

I can only imagine what they were saying.  It got me to thinking and wondering why women do this to each other.  Why can’t we pay a compliment to another woman instead of being jealous?  As little girls some women have learned how to compete with other women in a destructive way.  It is an ugly trait to have, but we start early being jealous of the girl with the newest doll and continue this negative behavior throughout life into our adult years.  Women are constantly comparing themselves to other women and trying to one up the next girl in line.

This type of behavior is rooted in low self-esteem and insecurities.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERASadly these type of back-biting women are common.  They feel more comfortable putting others down which is more indicative of who they are than the person they are attempting to psychologically destroy.  Women with this mentality end up doing more harm to themselves once alone with nothing but their own thoughts and reflection to keep them company.

It is a shame that while we as women have to battle against the male driven machine of misogyny, we have to now battle against other women.

Learning how to support other women is easy.  All we have to do is look to women who have set the foundation for sisterhood.  Champions like Hilary Clinton and Michelle Obama.


When we embrace the next woman, we embrace ourselves.


So how can you do this?

  1. Own up to the fact that you are being MEAN when you jealously target other women.  Yes, you are being mean. It has to stop because it is not cute.  Work on yourself to find out why you are doing this and work to correct this behavior.  If the tables were turned, you wouldn’t like it.
  2. Talk to a professional about any feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and low self-esteem.
  3. STOP comparing yourself to other women.  Understand that every human is different; from their style of dress to their personality.  Learn to embrace and accept your individuality and that of other’s.  You don’t have to compete for another woman’s space.  Own your own!
  4. Get rid of the negative friends.  If there is another woman in your life who encourages this behavior, you might want to distance yourself until you heal.
  5. If another woman has on a cute outfit, shoes, or her hair is fly, compliment her.  You know she is working it. Why not let her know?  So what if you think you could wear it better.  That is not the point.


Have you had to own up to being mean?  If so, let me know in the comment section.  Also tell me how you embrace and support other women.  

[Paramount Movies]





  1. DK

    March 19, 2015 at 6:35 am

    I completely agree. I always compliment and support women. I’m actually known for being a big advocate for equality and women’s empowerment. But to honest, sometimes it’s hard for me to be so pro-women when so many women treat me poorly. I am all about being united yet women who don’t even know me will make the most condescending comments about me because they feel threatened or jealous. It’s so sad the way women have internalized misogyny. I feel women are women’s worst enemies. What really makes me sad is that my sister has deeply internalized misogyny. She views me as competition as if there’s some kind of competition for the prettiest, most accomplished woman in the family. Whenever I’m around her, I try to look as bad as possible (no makeup, frumpy clothes, etc) so she feels she’s won the beauty contest that exists in her head. I wish she’d stop comparing, judging, and competing with me. I just want her support and love like I love and support her. I want women to wake up. We are killing our potential. Lets stop knocking each other down and start helping each other take up more space in the world!

    • Pam Williams

      March 19, 2015 at 9:06 am

      DK, Please don’t dim your light!!! You have stated the whole problem in your comment with regard to women not supporting each other. These women who treat you poorly are doing so because they feel inadequate in some way. They are needlessly jealous. There is no reason for that, but you can’t control how they feel or act toward you. You can however control how you feel about your self. It makes me sad that you feel that you have to stifle your fabulousness to appease your sister’s insecurities. You dressing down with no makeup is not going to change her psychological state. Her need to compete with you and make you feel some kind of way is because of her insecurities and low self-esteem. Don’t fall into that. Keep loving and supporting your sister, but be the glorious woman you were created to be. If she gets it, wonderful. If not, you have done what you could. The only true way to show her the light is to shine. Peace and Blessings!

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