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Valentine Confession and How I Got My Mind Right

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Icon_Inspiration-Category_200x200Confession:  Yesterday, I didn’t have a Valentine.


In fact, I’ve NEVER had a Valentine.

Sure when I was a kid I received the traditional candysweet-shovel-valentines-day-craft-photo-260-FF0204VALENA03 and Mickey Mouse Valentine’s Day perforated card from a classmate in grade school, but I don’t count that.

As an adult, I’ve never had a boo on Valentine’s Day. I’m okay with that now, but I can remember the days when V-day would come around and I would try to act like I was okay and would get together with some other single girlfriends. Secretly, I was tired of looking in my friend’s faces year after year. For once I wanted a scruffy mustache to brush across my lips as we toasted the night away with white wine, candlelit amongst a bed of rose petals. Alas that hasn’t happened yet and I’m okay with the fact that I spent this year’s Valentine’s Day without all the fluff.

Why is this time different? Truthfully, I’m not sure when the Aha! moment hit me, I just know I feel uber comfortable in my singledom for the first time. I can sit in my Midtown apartment eating Peanut Butter Cap’N Crunch (yes it is my favorite cereal) for dinner and not be pressed to cook for anyone. I can wake up and work on my blog all day in sweats and no one would blink an eye. I’ve gotten comfortable in my space and I am okay with not having to share that space.

Back in the day I would cry and bemoan being in this place. Today, as I look back over the years, I realize that there is nothing better than loving the hell out of myself.

sunsetbeachbonfire-52277-zoomI was and am to this day a die-hard romantic. The guys I would date and fall in “unreciprocal” love with got my all. I planned spa nights, picnics and dinners. Oh and you should have seen the gifts I DIY’d, they were the stuff romantic comedies are made of.  I put up with a lot of things while dealing with men that I wasn’t meant to be with. I put up with non-commitment, infidelity and just over all bullshit that I didn’t need to put up with. A guy would tell me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but my fool-self thought that I could change his mindset. That didn’t work. I settled for a guy calling me when he wanted to vent or a booty call and it led me down a dark road – depression, low self-esteem and poor self-worth. I kept falling into the same self-laid traps doing the same things to myself because I didn’t feel I deserved better. Oh I told myself that I did, but my actions showed differently.

Times have changed and being single is freeing and liberating since I got my mind right. I see many, many women suffer the same things I have. Putting up with men who they are not meant to be with, but yet feeling compelled by the fact that they don’t want to be alone. I knew I deserved better and so do you.


Icon_Sensible-Homework_200x160So here are 3 ways I got my mind right:

1. I chose myself. Part of the reason I went through unrequited love back then is because of low self-esteem and things in the past I hadn’t healed from. I wanted so bad to be part of a couple that I was willing to take whatever pair of pants (within reason) came my way and hadn’t taken time out to love on me. I recently saw in the news a story about Yasmin Eleby who sent out invitations to friends and family to celebrate her 40th birthday…with a twist. The party was also a wedding, TO HERSELF! Now while I am not about spending exorbitant amounts of money for something of this nature, I do like the message behind it. In her vows, Ms. Eleby promised to forgive, love and honor herself. She made a lifelong commitment to herself instead of waiting for someone else to do it.

2. I stopped waiting on someone to save me in order to be internally and eternally happy. I was so anxious to get married, on my 33rd birthday, I gathered up my two best friends and we went to David’s Bridal and I tried on wedding dresses. Yep, I did that. Never mind that I didn’t at the time have a fiancé or even a serious boyfriend, I tried on dresses.

3. I stopped envying other couples and started celebrating their love. There were many times I would see a cute couple and say “awwww, they are so cute,” and sigh because I didn’t have that. I have learned that when you are not genuinely happy for others you send a signal to the Universe. What you put out will come back to you.

 


Being single is not a curse and you don’t have to attach sadness with the fact that you don’t have a significant other.  Find your very own way to celebrate yourself.

Have you decided to embrace being single? Tell me in the comment section how you did it.

 

4 Comments

  1. Dana

    February 16, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    I LOVE this post Pam!

  2. Beth

    February 17, 2015 at 11:05 am

    Love this! I have never been upset about being perpetually single, but I did always have this expectation that it would change someday. Over the last year or so, that has gone away. Not in a bad way. If it comes, great! But if it doesn’t, I’m whole, happy and peaceful. :)

    • Pam Williams

      February 17, 2015 at 5:40 pm

      Exactly Beth! It seems that a change came and it wasn’t a bad change, just a change that I was no longer going to worry and cry about not being part of a two.

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