Your Kids are Watching

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Icon_Inspiration-Category_200x200The conversation ends up the same every time. “I don’t show that side to my kids.”

“They don’t see him at the house.” I never understand this line of thinking. Just because you think your children don’t see you, doesn’t mean that they don’t.

When I advised a young mother of two teenage girls of this, I was told in not so many words that I didn’t know what I was talking about. Only for that same mother to come back two weeks later to tell me her girls had a conversation with their grandmother about how they really felt about their mother’s on and off boyfriend. The girls expressed how their mother didn’t seem happy. They saw her sadness and were often on the receiving end of her mood swings. This is never a good thing.

You are so busy caught up in you and what you think you want that you aren’t paying attention to those precious little ones whose lives you influence greatly. The influence we have on our children affects their lives more than we know. Children see the ill treatment you are enduring at the hands of some dude that you think you love or that says he loves you and the inconsistency in his words. You are teaching them how to be treated or how to treat someone else.

lookingouttheblindsChildren see many things that we as parents simply are not conscious of. I am a firm believer in the saying that “children do what they see and not what you say.”

If you are telling your son not to smoke, but he sees you with a Black & Mild in your hand, what image and example do you think he has?

If you tell your daughter she is beautiful, but she sees you hating on your own body and talking negative about it, what do you think she will do?

My godson, T.J. at the age of three started plugging and unplugging the vacuum cleaner. His mom would discipline him in an effort to keep him from possibly electrocuting himself. Why was he playing with the vacuum cleaner and an electric socket? He’s seen his mom on numerous occasions plug it up to vacuum the floor.  T.J. is only doing what he has seen his mom do countless times.

Likewise, when T.J. started drawing on the walls, his mom could not understand why he wouldn’t quit. I told her he has a blank slate. T.J. would see her write on paper and to him that wall was his paper.

Kids like any other human, learn by watching. The question becomes “what are we showing them?” As mothers it is important for us to get it as close to right as we can. The choices we make such as staying in an abusive relationship are seen over and over by our children. We have taught our daughters how to become the victim of abuse and tolerate any type of behavior as well as we have possibly taught our sons how to abuse.

Icon_Sensible-Homework_200x160So what can you do to make sure your child has the best chance at life?

1. While we are all human and we make mistakes, be mindful that your child/teen is watching everything you do whether you know it or not. Be present. Pay attention to your choices and know that your choices affect more than just you.
2. Watch your words. No matter what you think, a cussing three year old ain’t cute.
3. Figure out why you are staying in a relationship that is going nowhere and make a plan to get out. Whether he is using you just for a place to stay, sex or as a punching bag, you deserve better.  Don’t let your low self-esteem be your child’s downfall.
4. Above all, love yourself first. I don’t have to tell you how important this is regarding life choices.




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