Are You Settling? 3 Ways to Figure That Out

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Icon_Inspiration-Category_200x200I have been seeing lately women proposing to men.

I had a conversation with someone who said there are some women who just want to say they are married.

Being a PK, I remember the scripture Isaiah 4:1 (NIV)

“In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, “We will eat our own food and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our disgrace!”

NOPEYea, naw….I can’t do it.

You can’t decide that just because you don’t want to be alone that you will settle for any ole’ dude that is at the moment paying you some attention. So he may have taken you on one date or kisses you to the moon and back, does he do the things that count? Is he there in your time of need?

Outside of leaving because of some form of abuse or cheating, we stay in relationships that are just not doing it for us.

Here are 3 ways to figure out if you need to move on from that guy that is half in and half out.

1. Make a Pros & Cons list. This is a tried and true method. If you have more cons than pros, you have some decisions to make. In full disclosure, I made a list just recently while dealing with someone with whom I thought had changed. My cons outweighed my pros by leaps and bounds. As much as I cared for this guy, I really had to question some things.

2. Are you are sad/mad more than you are happy? If you are miserable in this pseudo-relationship, he just might not be for you. Been here with this one. I cried more than I Iaughed and knew I wasn’t happy. The old saying “I can do bad by myself” applies here. Everything was lacking, from the romance to overall communication. I had none of what I asked for, which wasn’t much and I knew that I deserved more and better. And let’s be real here, I was complicit in my own unhappiness and I take responsibility for that. I accepted the bad behavior. I asked for communication, I asked for romance; which I shouldn’t have had to ask for, but got nothing. Luckily, it didn’t take long for me to step.

3. You aren’t interested in the things you used to be interested in. If you have let things fall by the wayside such as your goals, projects or career due to putting your all into this person, then this might be a sign. In a relationship that benefits both parties, your goals are pushed and supported. This person cares about what you got going on and encourages you to reach for the moon to accomplish your goals and you do the same for them. If your partner never asks about what you got going on, inquire about that business idea you mentioned last week or even make suggestions for your latest project you are working on, then something is wrong.

We as women deserve to be nurtured and adored. We spend so much time doing that for our partners that we put aside our own needs. If we decided that we won’t accept half, we will get more from the men that we love. For the ones that can’t get with that, they weren’t meant for you anyway.


If you are in a relationship that is going no where, I encourage you to re-evaluate.

Are there any ways you have used to figure out it was time to bounce from someone who wasn’t fulfilling your primary needs in a relationship? Let me know in the comments.



  1. Dana James Mwangj

    August 20, 2015 at 8:23 am

    I LOVE this post! Rule #2 sticks out to me the most. the Crying more than smiling/laughing. I’ve been there, personally and professionally. I don’t want to be in that space ever again! I think this post is gonna help me do that Pam!

    • Pam Williams

      August 20, 2015 at 8:30 am

      Yes Dana!! Something “ain’t” right when you are sad/mad all the time in a relationship when there is supposed to be bliss. I had to learn that the hard way. I got tired of crying all the damn time!

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