That Makes Sense an advice blog designed to help those of you who are struggling with lack of confidence, finding your destiny, not having a positive attitude or bad decision making.

I want to share with you ideas and solutions that make sense and will get you to the place you need to be in life.  I don’t call myself an expert because that might suggest somehow that I’m above you and I’m not.  Just as you will, I learned from life experiences.  I learned good decision making through trial and error. Yes, I picked the wrong guy and thought with all my heart that that guy was the man of my dreams and would be my husband. And yes, I did that more than once…heck more than a lot of times.  I worked a job that I hated all for money instead of doing something that I loved.

meJonI successfully raised a son as a single mother when his dad was nowhere to be found without child-support and on government assistance.

I’ve been insecure about my body in a world that constantly tells women that we all should be a size 6 and wrote a book about it (Life Beyond Size 6).  I’ve battled depression and made it through the tunnel to the other side.  So yes, I’m just like you.  I’ve made my share of decisions that didn’t add up, but every decision was a learning experience that has led me here.

I have been the “go-to” person for advice for as long as I can remember.

As a teen, my friends would call with issues with their parents or boyfriend, problems in school or peer pressure. I was always on the phone dispensing advice.  I was seen by my elders as an old soul.  The old folk would say I had been here before.  I was never confident in my abilities and ran away from something that came ever so natural to me.  I wanted to be a lawyer like Claire Huxtable, a singer/dancer like Janet Jackson (the Janet from the Pleasure Principle video).  I wanted to be a film writer and director like Spike Lee and an author like Terry McMillan.

MeinHighSchool2I had more aspirations than I could shake a stick at and honey I pursued every one.

I even went to nursing school.  I think I have tried everything except construction, all the while running from my calling.  You see I was never confident in the advice I would give.  Most of what I said was common sense stuff.  I found that like most humans, when you are in the thick of things, you have a tendency to not see the forest for the trees so the answer that is right in front of you gets missed.  I was always able to point out the obvious to people. The crazy part about all this wisdom I was dispensing was that I never took ownership of any of it.

Instead of having the confidence to say that said wisdom came from my heart or spirit, I claimed I read or saw the info on some credible site or heard it from some authority figure on the subject, when it all just came from inside me.

I struggled with that for a long, long time.  I would even hear the same advice after I had said it from someone like Dr. Phil and think to myself “wow, I said that,” in shock and awe of my own intellect.  I wondered if I had what it took, often comparing myself to Iyanla Vanzant, Martha Beck and Dr. Phil and wondering if I could do this.  Still not confident in my God given gift, I sought to qualify it by getting a degree, a degree that would qualify me to be an authority on a subject; an expert.  There goes that word again.  Being an expert would set me apart from everyone, even from you, the very people I want to serve.  That is not what I want at all.

Finally a moment of clarity hit me: I was already qualified.

Almost everyday someone comes to me with some dilemma that eludes them.  I am seen as a person who is wise and insightful.  I have knocked down walls in life that make some stare in awe and others want to know how they too can do the same.  It took me a while to realize and understand just how important that is.

Most of what I know in this life now makes sense, but that wasn’t always the case.  Unwise choices caused me to sometimes learn the hard way.  It is what the old folk call earned sense.  I gained some sense in other ways and those were life situations.

my-bald-headWhen I was diagnosed with a very rare form of breast cancer in 2009, it wasn’t about me.

It was about the people around me learning from my journey.  People would say, you don’t look or act like you have cancer. You smile all the time.  “You light up a room” or “you are always so positive.”  Well that is how I beat cancer and that is the lesson people learned.  It just made sense to go through that storm with grace and courage, not “woe is me” and fear.  No one could figure out how I came to work every day with a smile even though I was going through very harsh chemotherapy that was kicking my butt physically.  Nor could anyone understand how I stayed positive even though I had no hair and went through multiple surgeries to remove and reconstruct my breasts.

I kept and am still going because neither my trust nor healing was solely in the doctors hands.

Sure, I was in the doctors’ care as they practiced their craft on me as their human guinea pig, but my full trust and confidence was and is in the creator of the universe.  With that, I was positive that I would go on to walk the path of destiny created for me.  Everything I know is rooted in a certain “knowing,” confidence, and positivity. You need these components to move to the next level in your life and to the next and next.

Some of the same issues I have experienced in life may be the very ones you are going through right now.  I can and will help you wade your way through those issues that plague you.  I will help you see why you are going through some of the things you are and then point you in the right direction to find out how to bring about a solution.  I’ll help you find the why in order to get to the how.